Characters’ choices are the most important part in a story. I would say that is the story. What characters want and what way they go in order to gain what they want. What length they are willing to go and what they are prepared to give up is the story. Very often, that’s also the meaning of the story, so we writer should pay extra attention to characters’ desires and choices. This is probably the single most important thing in the story. All the rest is important, mind you, but not quite as important, since this element is what shapes the entire arc of characters, as well as the plot.
The biggest difference between the old version of Give in to the Feeling and the new one is Susie’s position. In the old version, Susie was practically Simon’s prisoner and she knew it. Simon was also an abusive man so Susie was desperate to break free from him, though afraid to do so.
In the new version, although the situation isn’t totally different (Simon saved Susie from a terrible life, took her on and gave everything to her, so he expects something in return), Susie’s position is different, because she is loyal to him and that’s her choice.
Blood appearing in her life has a different meaning. While in the old version he was clearly a savior, in the new one he’s the herald on a different life, and he opens Susie’s eyes on the fact that she has a right to choose what life she wants.
I’m a lot happier with the new situation, because this makes the story clearly Susie’s story.
Susie closed her eyes, holding Blood’s hands tight, pushing tears back down.
What kind of a woman was she? She did owe everything to Simon, what would have been of her if he hadn’t taken her on? He had given her everything, he had been her protector, her lover and her mentor and the least she could do for him was being loyal, as he had asked her.
She opened her eyes and met Blood’s.
A shiver ran down her spine. He was a completely new world. She had never ever imagined she might want something different from what Simon offered, something of her choosing.
Hey, there’s many more snippets on the official 8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks forum over at Dieselpunks. Why not have a look? You may like to join.
Or maybe you’d like to participate from your blog and post a 8-sentence long snippet from your WIP or your published dieselpunk or steampunk novel. In that case, please leave a note in the comment section and a link, because I’d love to read it!